


The Change

by Mnemosyne_Elegy



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Relationship Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:02:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22327534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mnemosyne_Elegy/pseuds/Mnemosyne_Elegy
Summary: Prompted by Lucy's questions and Erza's reminiscences, Natsu comes to the conclusion that he and Gray were, in fact, awfully close for a while as kids. But something happened to change their once-open friendship. Natsu isn't sure what caused the change, but he knows that it was Gray who initiated it and he's determined to finally get to the bottom of it.
Relationships: Natsu Dragneel & Gray Fullbuster
Comments: 33
Kudos: 53





	1. What Changed

“It’s _not_ really my fault,” Natsu insisted, glowering at the man sitting on the ground next to him.

“Of course it is,” Gray shot back. “Who was the one who thought it was such a great idea to throw a bunch of fire at salamanders? Oh wait, that would be you.”

“How was I supposed to know that fire would make them stronger?”

“Are you serious right now? I knew you were stupid, but this really takes the cake. Just where exactly did you think your nickname came from, Mr. High and Mighty Salamander? You can eat fire to get stronger, just like salamanders can. The nasty things are born of fire and magic, you know. They eat fire to live and grow.”

“Well, how was I supposed to know that?”

“Because we told you.”

“Whatever. I wasn’t listening. Anyway, I didn’t think they’d get _that_ much stronger. How was I supposed to know they’d grow to twenty times their normal size and start mutating? Did you know _that_ , Mr. Smarty Pants?”

“Did I know how exactly your magic would affect them? No. But normal fire already makes them stronger, so is it really any surprise that your fire—which is stronger than normal fire and has magic mixed in to boot—would have even more dramatic effects? No. That’s why we told you to be careful. They get strong enough off normal fire, without adding magic into the equation.”

“Well, what was I supposed to do, then? I wasn’t going to sit back and let you have all the fun.”

“We didn’t say you couldn’t fight, you idiot. You just should have been more creative about it so that you weren’t feeding the damn things magical powerups the whole time.”

“Whatever. It’s not like you were doing much good either. They just melted all your wimpy ice.”

“Yeah, so I got creative about how I fought them, like you should have. Please tell me, who was it who took down the one you managed to grow to the size of a small mountain and which then proceeded to go on a rampage?”

“Erza.”

“And?”

“…”

“I’m waiting…”

“…You.”

“Exactly. And who was it who made a handful of newts mutate into fire-breathing lizards the size of houses?”

“I didn’t know–”

“And whose fault is it that they destroyed the entire town that called us for help in the first place?”

“To be fair–”

“So whose fault is it that we’re stuck camping out in the woods instead of staying in the hotel we were supposed to be in?”

“Look, the woods aren’t that bad and–”

“And whose fault, exactly, is it that we’re getting zero money for doing this job, since we had to give it all back to pay for the reconstruction of the town?”

“Okay, Erza made us do that one. The townspeople were pretty good sports about it.”

“Yeah, because Erza felt bad that we tore apart their homes trying to stop the horde of fire-breathing monsters you unleashed.”

“But technically she was the one who–”

“Sure, but whose fault was it that everyone’s homes were destroyed in the first place so that she felt compelled to decline the reward?”

“You’re really annoying.”

“That’s not a valid argument.”

“Is a fist to the face a valid argument?”

“Nope.”

“Well, let’s just see about that!”

“Can’t you make them stop?” Lucy wailed finally.

Natsu had started to rise in anticipation of a fight, but settled back to the hard ground and looked over at the blonde, who was now appealing to Erza with pleading eyes. Lucy hadn’t been part of the guild for all that long yet, or she would have been more used to the constant bickering. Although he had to admit, she was certainly settling in well and had already made a place for herself in the guild.

But still, sometimes she was no fun at all.

Erza frowned over at the bickering boys. Sighing, she leaned over to select a few thick branches from the stockpile of wood they’d gathered earlier and tossed them into the fire that Natsu had lit for them a couple hours ago. The flames surged upwards, crackling and sparking against the pitch black of the surrounding night, before settling down again.

Then she fixed Natsu and Gray with a hard look. “You two need to shut up already.”

Erza was even less fun than Lucy.

Natsu pouted and crossed his arms over his chest. He was annoyed to see that Gray seemed perfectly calm, leaning against the tree behind him in a relaxed fashion as he watched the dragon slayer with half-lidded eyes and a faint smirk. It was rather infuriating, actually. How was Natsu supposed to shut up with Gray being such an annoying jerk?

“But he said–”

“He’s right,” Erza interrupted. “Your stupidity and inability to follow directions made the problem a lot worse than it needed to be, and we’re the ones who were stuck cleaning it up. Now thank Gray for cleaning up your mess for you.”

Natsu’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Oh, _hell_ no.”

Erza’s eyes flashed menacingly and her hand dropped to her sword. “What was that?”

“I mean yeah, sure.” Natsu held his hands up in front of him defensively as he hurriedly backtracked.

He hesitated a moment longer, but gulped loudly and turned to Gray when Erza’s hand started inching towards the hilt of her sword again. Gray looked just as startled as Natsu at Erza’s pronouncement, but then he arched an eyebrow and smiled smugly.

This was going to hurt, but not as much as taking the full brunt of Erza’s wrath. Maybe. Actually, maybe he’d rather take Erza. Glancing back over at the requip mage indecisively, Natsu quickly discarded that idea. Nope, she was still scary as hell.

“Thank…you…” he managed through gritted teeth, glaring at Gray murderously the whole time.

The smug bastard was quite obviously trying not to laugh, his lips quirked upwards and his eyes sparkling with mirth. Natsu wondered how badly Erza would dismantle him if he punched Gray in the face.

“Thank you for what?” Erza pressed.

Natsu’s scowl deepened. “For somehow managing to kill a bunch of the salamanders after I made them stronger, even though you only had your wimpy ice to help you.”

Gray made a strangled sound and clapped a hand over his mouth. Natsu glowered at him. That was supposed to be insulting, not funny.

“Natsu!” Erza hissed.

“What?” he demanded. “I did exactly what you asked.”

“Be polite or so help me God, the townspeople will only find your head on a pike when they come looking for us tomorrow.”

“But the ice princess doesn’t care!” Natsu protested. He pointed at Gray accusingly. “Look, he’s basically laughing his head off. He even has the gall not to be insulted. Why do I have to be polite if it doesn’t bother him?”

“Oh, my feelings are deeply wounded,” Gray said, coughing to hide a laugh. “I’d very much like to hear this sincere thank you to make up for all the heartache you’ve put me through today.”

Natsu threw him a disbelieving look. “Why, you–”

“See?” Erza interrupted. “Give him his proper thank you.”

“But–”

“And now you owe him an apology too, for being rude about the last one.”

“ _What?_ ”

Maybe she was just messing with him? No, one look at her face showed that she was deadly serious. The shadows the firelight cast over her face only made her scarier. Natsu turned back to Gray, bristling at his rival’s obvious enjoyment of this torture.

“I’m _so_ terribly sorry that–”

“No sarcasm,” Erza snapped.

Natsu bit back his instinctive retort and took a deep breath to steady himself. “Look, I’m sorry I was a jerk about saying thank you and that I didn’t listen when you warned me about the salamanders. And thanks for helping take care of that whole mess.”

He could swear that some small part of him withered up and died of shame at speaking those words aloud.

“It’s alright,” Gray said magnanimously. “I graciously accept your apology, and you’re most welcome.”

Asshole.

“Good.” Erza nodded in satisfaction.

“This is so painful to watch,” Lucy muttered from the other side of the campfire. She grimaced and shifted about as she searched for a more comfortable position on the hard ground. Dead leaves crackled and twigs snapped underneath her, but she gave up the futile endeavor and settled back with a sigh.

“You get used to it eventually,” Happy said, batting absently at a moth.

Erza ignored them, instead turning to Gray. “And now you owe Natsu an apology for starting a fight and harassing him about his mistakes.”

The smug look slipped off Gray’s face and his eyes widened comically. “What?”

Natsu cackled, not even bothering to try hiding his sudden glee.

“You sound demented,” Happy said.

Natsu didn’t care. This was great. Maybe it didn’t completely wipe away his earlier humiliation, but Gray deserved to get his comeuppance. He was suddenly in a much better mood.

“Apologize,” Erza repeated impatiently. “Seriously. It’s like dealing with children.”

Gray gaped at her for a moment before shrugging and glancing over at Natsu. “I’m sorry I picked a fight and made fun of you for what happened with the salamanders.”

Natsu stopped laughing and stared at him blankly. He searched for any sign of sarcasm or any other thing that he could use to sic Erza on Gray, but he found nothing. Seriously? That was just spiteful.

“That’s not fair!” he burst out. He turned to appeal to Erza. “How come it doesn’t bother him as much? You know he’s just pretending to be nice so that you don’t keep harassing him, because he doesn’t want me to have the satisfaction of seeing you yell at him. Make him say something else. He clearly isn’t uncomfortable enough.”

Everyone stared at him as if he’d just grown a second head. Lucy buried her face in her hands and muttered something under her breath that sounded vaguely uncomplimentary, but Happy just shrugged it off and went back to playing lazily with the bugs attracted by the fire. He’d had enough experience with Natsu by now that these things weren’t so surprising.

Erza sighed and shook her head. “I think you’ve missed the point entirely,” she said wearily. “This isn’t about making the other person uncomfortable. It’s about owning up to the things you did and giving thanks and apologies where they’re due. Leave Gray alone. He did exactly what I asked him to do.”

“But–”

“Natsu. There’s more to life than trying to humiliate him.”

“Oh yeah,” Natsu agreed, his eyes sparking back to life. “There’s fighting him too!”

Erza groaned. “Natsu, there’s more to life than constantly trying to fight with and humiliate Gray.”

“Sure, but not much else that’s worth doing.”

Gray half-sighed, half-laughed. His expression was a strange mix of amusement and resignation. Natsu arched an eyebrow, wondering what was up with him.

“Well, you agree too, don’t you?”

Gray smirked. “Oh yes. There’s not much else worth doing in life aside from humiliating and fighting with myself.”

Natsu rolled his eyes. “You’re so stupid,” he grumbled. “Not you, me. Come on, you know you have fun making fun of me and fighting.”

“Sure I do,” Gray replied, grinning. “Especially since I’m so much better at it than you.”

“Like hell you are!”

“Whatever you say, flame brain.”

“I’ll pound you into the ground and then we’ll see who’s better!”

“Oh come on, they’ve started up again,” Lucy groaned.

“There will be _no_ fighting,” Erza said firmly, glaring at Natsu and Gray. “You two need to take a break from the bickering.”

Natsu muttered mutinously under his breath, but subsided. Gray smiled faintly and said nothing else. A peaceful silence lay over the group for all of thirty seconds, which had to be a new record. For a few moments, all they could hear was the soft crackling of the fire and the nighttime sounds of the forest, rather than Gray and Natsu’s boisterous voices. It was actually Lucy who spoke up next, her voice cutting through the soft rustling of leaves and chirping of cicadas.

“I don’t get it,” she said. “Sometimes you two seem like such good friends, but you’re always fighting and getting annoyed with each other and then you don’t always seem like friends. It’s weird.”

“Oh, they’re very good friends,” Erza said.

“No, we aren’t!” Gray and Natsu chorused in unison. They exchanged sly looks, the corners of their mouths quirking upwards.

“What was that?” Erza demanded.

The boys hurriedly backtracked. No point senselessly riling Erza up when she was already annoyed with them. Natsu didn’t have a death wish.

“Oh, we’re very good friends,” Gray said, fighting a smile. “Practically best friends.”

“Yeah,” Natsu agreed hastily. “We’re, like, super great friends and everything. Please don’t kill us.”

Erza looked superbly satisfied with herself and Happy just brushed it off like this was an everyday occurrence, but Lucy, poor thing, looked far more confused. She’d get used to the odd dynamics between Natsu and Gray eventually, but until then… Well, Natsu sometimes liked to mess with the newbies. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy intentionally confusing them every once in a while, and his unconventional friendship/rivalry with Gray was a great way to go about it.

“Has it always been like this?” Lucy asked, shaking her head helplessly.

“Yes,” Happy said. “It’s great entertainment.”

Natsu opened his mouth to agree, but paused and peered at Erza curiously. She was frowning thoughtfully, studying the boys with a quizzical expression.

“What?” he asked.

“Actually, it _wasn’t_ always like this.”

Natsu stared at her blankly. “What are you talking about? Of course it was.”

“No, it wasn’t.” She shook her head slowly. “When you two first met you immediately got off on the wrong foot, and you were definitely at each other’s throats for a few weeks, but… Well, eventually the fighting started dying down and you two got a lot closer. Remember? You’d still brawl occasionally, but you acted more like normal friends. You even used to go on jobs together sometimes, and come back without having destroyed everything.”

Natsu wondered what the hell was wrong with her. Maybe salamander fire was hallucinogenic or something. Or her memory was deteriorating with age. Or maybe she was sick. He scooted over a few paces so that he could he could press the back of his hand to her forehead. She jerked away and gave him an odd look, but her body temperature _did_ seem a little high.

“Are you sick?” he asked. “You’re hallucinating things.”

She scowled at him. “No, I’m not sick. And I’m not making things up.”

“I don’t know, you feel kind of hot…”

“I’m sure her temperature is perfectly normal,” Gray said, rolling his eyes. “Stop being stupid.”

Natsu crossed his arms and sat back with a huff, wincing as a stick poked him in the thigh. So much for camping out not being such a bad thing. He dislodged the bothersome twig and brushed away some of the other forest debris lying in wait to poke and prod him.

“How else do you explain this sudden bout of insanity? We were at each other’s throats from day one, and we’ve stayed that way ever since. Right?”

He expected instant agreement, but Gray hesitated before nodding. “Um, yeah. Sure. Since day one.”

Natsu frowned over at him. Gray seemed to be in an odd mood tonight.

Then he shrugged it off. It probably wasn’t important, and who really cared what the ice block was thinking anyway?

“See?” he said, turning back to Erza. “Day one.”

“Your memories can’t possibly be that bad,” she disagreed. “I’m telling you, for at least a few months there, you were practically inseparable. I remember that you two had this bad habit of teaming up to prank the rest of us kids and the adults. Drove everyone crazy. And then I don’t know what happened, but eventually you started fighting and it was you against him again, instead of you two against the world.”

“Nah,” Happy said dismissively. “They’ve always been like this.”

Natsu was inclined to agree, but something made him pause. Digging back through his memories…Erza was actually right. Natsu and Gray had immediately taken a disliking to each other upon meeting for the first time and the first few weeks of their relationship had been tumultuous at best, punctuated with frequent fights and increasingly nasty insults, but at some point that had started changing.

“No…” he said slowly, turning his puzzled gaze back to Gray. “She’s right. We were always fighting, but then there was that one day you found me on the anniversary of Igneel’s disappearance and you were weirdly nice. I’m pretty sure that’s when things started shifting. Huh. I’d pretty much forgotten, it’s been so long.”

Gray said nothing, shrugging as he picked a large leaf off the ground and began methodically tearing it apart. He very carefully detached each segment from between the ribbing and veins of the leaf, working slowly to demolish it until he was left with only the stem. Dropping it to the ground, he chose another leaf at random and began repeating the process.

For whatever reason, he did not want to talk about this. He was holding himself a little stiffly, just enough to betray the fact that he had tensed up, and was using his stupid leaf-tearing exercise as an excuse not to look at Natsu and the others. Gray had a tendency to want to keep his hands busy when he was stressed or uncomfortable, which must be why he was mass murdering the leaves.

Natsu could tell all that just from Gray’s body language and actions, but the million jewel question was a lot harder to answer: What was it that was making Gray so uncomfortable?

“What changed it, then?” Lucy asked curiously, leaning forward in anticipation of a story.

“I have no idea,” Erza admitted. “It was a fairly gradual transition, so I can’t pinpoint exactly when it started. I just know that one day I realized they had started fighting more frequently again and weren’t hanging out together as often. I just figured they had a fight or something, but it never went back to the way it had been.”

“I don’t remember a fight,” Natsu said with a frown. “Well, there were a lot of fights, but not one major enough to have done that. Unless you remember one, Gray?”

Gray shook his head and butchered another leaf. Normally Natsu might not care about something like this, but now his curiosity was aroused and Gray was acting weird.

“I don’t ever remember you two not fighting,” Happy said doubtfully. “I think you were always like this.”

Erza shrugged. “Maybe the split happened before you were born?”

“How would I know?” the little cat grumbled, disconcerted by this newest revelation.

“It would make sense,” Natsu said. “But I don’t know what happened. Do you, ice princess?”

Gray stabbed at the ground moodily with a twig. “I don’t remember.”

“You’re a bad liar.”

“I am not,” he said indignantly, finally looking over at Natsu to grace him with a scowl.

“Yes, you are. Your eyes get all shifty and you can’t make proper eye contact. You’ve got, like, no conscience when it comes to half-truths or lying by omission, but you suck at straight-up lying. Always have.”

“I disagree.”

Natsu didn’t understand why Gray was being so stubborn about this. Yes, there had been a time when they had been more open with each other than they were now. They still hadn’t been touchy-feely, but they _had_ talked more and done more together without having to feel like they needed to keep up a show of annoying each other. What was so bad about that?

“Well, you obviously remember what happened. So what–?” Natsu broke off and frowned. “Wait, you were the one who really started changing things, weren’t you? I dunno what happened, but you were the one who kept starting all those early fights, not me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Liar. You know exactly what happened. So why don’t I?” Natsu thought back to those childhood days. If he really thought about it, he could see an emerging pattern where Gray had started picking more and more fights and the two of them had drifted farther and farther apart. It had been gradual enough that he had adjusted to the new routine without even really noticing it. “Why did I never notice?”

“Why would you ever notice anything?” Gray grumbled. His searching hands found a pine cone buried under all the leaf litter. He began carefully dismantling it, pulling out each little piece one at a time.

“Aha! So you _do_ know,” Natsu said triumphantly.

“That’s not what I said!” Gray protested, slamming the pine cone into the ground with enough force to splinter a good chunk of it. After a second, he took a deep breath and continued his methodical dissection, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on the mutilated pine cone. “I just meant that you’re awfully oblivious to most everything.”

“That’s not what you meant. Or at least not entirely what you meant.” Natsu eyed Gray suspiciously. Things had suddenly turned much more serious than the half-annoyed, mostly teasing banter of earlier. Gray wasn’t exactly mad, but he was clearly getting agitated. His previous slow movements turned jittery as he ripped through his pine cone. “If you aren’t going to tell me, I’ll have to figure it out on my own. It must’ve been before Happy was born, but it couldn’t have been _too_ long before. So then what happened…?”

“Nothing,” Gray said firmly. “Nothing happened.”

Natsu opened his mouth to protest, but was forestalled.

“Maybe you should leave it alone, Natsu.” Lucy’s eyes darted nervously between him and the moody ice mage. “He doesn’t want to talk about it.”

Maybe the others _could_ pick up on the increasing tension. To be fair, Gray’s mood had started off subtle enough that they might have missed it, but it was getting pretty obvious by this point.

“I know he doesn’t want to talk about it,” Natsu said. “But _why_?”

“It’s getting late,” Erza said, trying to tactfully put an end to the brewing altercation.

“You want to know just as badly as I do,” Natsu said bluntly, raking his gaze over Happy and the girls. They looked torn between their curiosity and the desire to stop what could become an explosive argument. When they didn’t respond immediately, he forged on. “What was it, then? You got jealous that I found an egg in the woods and hatched Happy?”

“What?” Gray blinked at him in confusion before rolling his eyes, dropping the now-bare pine cone and selecting a new leaf to shred. “Of course not.”

It hadn’t been likely, really, but it was a good enough place to start since Happy’s birth seemed to help mark some kind of transition. All the same, he was quickly growing impatient with Gray’s obstinacy.

“You got sucked into one of your super moody phases and decided you’d rather fight than talk?”

“No.”

“Well, what, then?” Natsu burst out in frustration. “You decided you didn’t like me so much anymore and would rather limit our friendship?”

“What?” Gray looked up, startled. “No. Never.”

“You got back in a fighting mood again and decided that it would be more fun to spar all the time?”

Gray stared at him for a moment, then shrugged and nodded. “Yeah, pretty much.” He kept his eyes very carefully fixed on Natsu’s face, but his gaze flickered away despite his best efforts.

“You’re lying. There’s another reason.”

“I’m not–”

“You _are_!” Natsu hissed, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “Why is it such a big deal?”

“Natsu,” Gray said, twisting his hands together. It gave the dragon slayer pause, that Gray was actually saying his name instead of a nickname, and with such an odd, almost pleading edge. “Stop.”

Natsu almost dropped it right there because he could tell that Gray was deadly serious, but he was also really bad at leaving things alone.

“But you know what happened. Something you did changed things, and I want to know why,” he insisted.

“Just leave it alone already!” Gray’s voice rose slightly and took on a brittle edge.

“Natsu,” Happy said quietly, “you need to stop.”

Yeah, Natsu probably should have stopped a while ago. But, as terrible as this sounded, he could tell that Gray was teetering right on the brink, a few good pushes away from snapping and spilling out everything.

“Just tell me!” he burst out, ignoring Happy. “What changed? What happened?”

He could immediately tell that he had pushed Gray too far this time, could see something dark and pained and almost angry flare up in his friend’s eyes as the dam broke. Gray leaned forward as he fixed Natsu with burning eyes, the nearby fire casting disconcerting shadows over his face.

“ _Lisanna!_ ” he hissed. “Lisanna is what happened.”

Natsu recoiled and stared at his friend uncomprehendingly. Out of everything Gray could have said, this was possibly the least expected.

“Lisanna?” Natsu repeated, feeling all that old grief and hurt flare up again as he thought of the girl he had played with and laughed with, the girl he had raised Happy with and considered to be one of his closest friends. The girl who had died.

“Yes,” Gray snarled. “Lisanna. She showed up out of nowhere, and you two hit it off from day one. You did everything together, were practically inseparable, and you left me behind. You left me, and I fought back the only way I thought I could.”

The fight seemed to drain out of him as quickly as it had come. Letting his breath out in a shuddering sigh, Gray slumped back against the tree and stared into the dancing fire with glassy eyes.

“I promised myself I’d never tell you that,” he murmured.

No one spoke for several long moments, still reeling from Gray’s outburst. Natsu was reeling most of all. Yes, when Lisanna had come to Fairy Tail with her siblings, she and Natsu had almost instantly become very close friends. And yes, they had hung out together a lot. But did that really mean that Natsu had abandoned Gray?

The dragon slayer’s brow crinkled in concentration as he thought back. He had still spent some time with Gray, but…Gray was right. Natsu was even more oblivious back then than he was now, and he’d had a habit of sometimes ignoring things or dropping them by the wayside if his focus shifted. It wasn’t that the other things weren’t important or that he necessarily meant to do it, but he was easily distracted and tended to focus most of his concentration on one thing at a time. He hadn’t really realized at the time that he was spending more and more time with Lisanna and less and less with Gray, but…it was true, and Gray had clearly noticed.

“Gray, I–”

“Don’t get me wrong, I _did_ like her,” Gray interrupted. “It’s not that I hated her or anything. She was a sweet girl, and I was friends with her too. It’s just that you two became best friends pretty much instantaneously, and it was never the same between us again. You were more distant when we hung out, and I always felt like the third wheel if I went out with you two. It wasn’t her fault and it wasn’t really your fault, but yeah, I guess I started feeling left out.”

Natsu hadn’t meant for Gray to feel like that. How could he have been stupid enough to miss all the signs Gray must have been giving off? Oblivious was one thing, but if he had ever stopped to consider things from his friend’s point of view, he probably would have guessed that Gray felt like Natsu was abandoning him for Lisanna.

“Why didn’t you–?”

“Say something?” Gray suggested with a wan smile. Natsu nodded. “Because I was too proud, I guess. Or too embarrassed. Or maybe because you seemed happy enough with the situation, so who was I to wreck it? Look, I’m not that petty or jealous or resentful or whatever, but back then… You have to realize that back then, I’d just lost everything. I’d lost my family and my friends and Ur and Lyon, and all that hurt was still really raw. So if I ever felt like I was starting to lose someone else, no matter how minor it seemed, I took it hard.”

He picked a twig off the ground and toyed with it absently. Natsu winced. Drifting away from Gray had probably made him feel lonely, and Gray had always hated that. Perhaps he had hated it enough that he had begun resenting Natsu and started fights over it?

“So you got upset and started fighting me more again?” Natsu asked cautiously.

“What?” Gray’s head jerked up and he stared at Natsu uncomprehendingly. Then he sighed and smiled sadly. “No, Natsu. That’s never what it was about. I didn’t start the fights because I was mad at you. I started them because it was the easiest way to get your attention.”

Whatever Natsu had been expecting Gray to say, it had not been that. He turned that over in his head and tried to make sense of it, but it was such a foreign idea that he wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it.

“I don’t–I don’t understand,” he said finally.

Gray looked away again, tossing the twig into the fire. “You enjoyed it. You’d drop everything at the chance to show off and try to beat someone, and I took advantage of that. If you’d been ignoring me for too long, I’d just throw around a couple insults and provoke a fight.” He shrugged. “It wasn’t ideal, but you’d at least look at me again. Yes, I probably should have found a better way to deal with the situation, but I was too proud to say anything and you were too oblivious to notice, so this is what we ended up with.”

Natsu opened his mouth, but no words came out. What could he say to that? It had never occurred to him that at least some of their fights were simply started because Gray was feeling ignored or lonely. He’d just thought that Gray was annoyed or looking for some fun, not that he was trying to goad Natsu into spending time with him, even if that time was spent fighting.

“And then she died,” Gray added. “And what was I supposed to do then? You needed me then, but it felt wrong to immediately try going back to the way things were. It had been long enough by that point that maybe it wasn’t really feasible anyway. And I also just felt bad about it. I mourned her because she had been my friend too, but I also couldn’t forget that I had resented her and I felt bad about it.

“And anyway, all friends are unique, you know? I certainly wasn’t going to try replacing her.” His eyes hardened. “And I wasn’t going to be her substitute either. I had too much self-respect for that, even then. But still, I tried to soften things. I wasn’t going to play Lisanna for you, but you needed a friend and I tried to give you that. I guess that’s when our present friendship really developed—something not as open as it was back when we were so close, but not as closed as it had been later. Something in between.

“Is that what you wanted me to say, Natsu?” Gray’s voice was tired rather than accusatory, and his posture screamed weariness and resignation. “Yes, you’re right. I was the one who changed things. I was the one who handled the situation badly. What else do you want from me? An apology? I’m sorry I screwed things up instead of trying to fix them.

“But does it really matter now? Yes, things changed, but I thought we turned out alright. Didn’t we?” He pushed himself to his feet and rubbed at his face wearily. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

The rest of the team watched in silence as he walked away and disappeared, swallowed up by the thick trees and the blackness of the night. No one said anything for a long time. They didn’t even move, just stared at the spot where Gray had vanished. Then Natsu sighed heavily and looked back over at the dying fire.

“Well, I really managed to screw that up, didn’t I?” he asked no one in particular.

“Maybe you should have dropped it when you first realized he was getting upset,” Lucy murmured.

Natsu shrugged and poked at the fire moodily with a stick, trying to stoke it up again without magic. “I’m not _that_ oblivious. I knew it was bothering him. He started acting weird the second Erza mentioned that we used to be close.”

“Really?” Lucy asked with a frown. “I didn’t notice it until later. He started getting upset when you kept pushing him for answers.”

“He was already getting weird before that,” Natsu said dismissively. “First he gave me the most wishy-washy agreement ever when I asked him to confirm that we’d always fought this way, and then he got all quiet and gained an intense fascination with leaf dismemberment. No, he was uncomfortable from the very beginning.”

“Then why did you keep pressuring him?” Erza asked, narrowing her eyes.

Natsu bit the inside of his cheek to keep from responding and shrugged noncommittally instead.

“Do you think he’s mad at me too?” Happy asked.

“Why would he be mad at you?” Natsu asked.

“Well, we were friends while–while Lisanna was still alive, but I spent a lot more time with him afterwards too. I was always closer to Lisanna before that.”

Natsu shook his head. “No, he’s not mad at you. He’s not really mad at all.”

“I don’t know,” Lucy said doubtfully. “He seemed kind of upset for a while there.”

“Nah, he wasn’t mad. Or maybe he was a little, but not as much as you think. Mostly he was just getting defensive because I kept pushing him to give me answers about something he didn’t want to talk about, and he felt like he was being backed into a corner. And he was frustrated. With himself, probably. And with me too, for harassing him.”

“Why would he be frustrated with himself?” Happy asked.

Natsu shifted uncomfortably, trying to figure out how to best sidestep that. He had a pretty good idea of why Gray might be frustrated. He would be frustrated that he’d handled the situation so badly all those years ago, and that he had told Natsu something he’d told himself he’d never say. But Natsu didn’t necessarily want to tell the others all that.

“You’ll just have to trust me on this one,” he said. Standing up, he brushed the leaf litter off his clothes and grimaced. “Well, I’ll go talk to him.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Lucy asked. “He seemed like he wanted to be alone.”

“Normally I might agree, but not right now.”

Gray made it out like he preferred to be alone most of the time, and although that was sometimes true, he also hated it. After tonight’s explosion, Natsu thought that maybe being alone wasn’t the best thing for Gray right now.

“Just…be careful,” Erza said. “He’s tough and can take whatever you might throw at him, but think about what you’re going to say before you say it. You have a bad habit of letting your mouth run away with you.”

Natsu’s instinctive response was something snappish and not terribly nice, but he restrained himself. No need to prove Erza’s point for her. Besides, she was technically right, even if he didn’t need the reminder right now.

“Yeah,” he said instead. “Okay.”

No one tried to stop him when he headed over to the spot Gray where had vanished a few minutes before. Leaving the others to their whispered conversation, he slipped out of the clearing and lost himself in the tangle of trees and underbrush. The sudden darkness was at odds with the light he’d had from the fire, and he proceeded to walk straight into a tree. Cursing under his breath and rubbing his sore nose vigorously, he decided to stand still for a moment and wait for his eyes to adjust.

After a minute or two, the pitch blackness around him started gaining more depth as it resolved itself into a more dimensional wash of grays and blacks. It was still dark, but now he could tell the darker blackness of the tree trunks apart from the slightly lighter shade of the in-between spaces. Perfect. Now all he had to do was follow his nose and find Gray. Natsu didn’t know what exactly he was planning to do once he had accomplished that, but he’d worry about it when he got there. He’d never been one for planning.

Sniffing around, he quickly found Gray’s scent among the mixture of pine and forest critter smells. He followed the trail, carefully picking his way through the undergrowth and around the shadowy tree trunks. He only tripped over a stick once, which he thought was quite an accomplishment.

Then he found himself in something that was rather small to be called a clearing, but was at least a break in the surrounding foliage. The trees still pressed all around, but if he looked up, he could see the sky breaking through and the stars twinkling faintly far above. Standing in the middle of the cleared area was Gray. He was motionless, his face tilted upwards to look at the sky and his hands jammed firmly into his pockets.

Natsu hesitated as it hit him that he really had no idea what to do or say, but then he took a fortifying breath and walked over to stand next to Gray. Pausing by his friend, he shifted about and tried to surreptitiously study Gray’s profile in the moonlight. Gray’s expression was impossible to decipher, but he didn’t seem surprised by Natsu’s sudden appearance.

They stood in silence for several seconds before Gray spoke. “I said I’d be back soon. And I will be.”

“Yeah, I believed you, but…” Natsu shrugged. “It seemed like a bad idea to leave you alone after that.”

“I’m fine. This was a long time ago, you know. I don’t know what exactly you’re expecting me to do, but it’s not like I’m really upset over it anymore.”

“Yeah, but you _were_ , weren’t you?” Natsu asked quietly.

Gray sighed softly and finally looked over at him. “It was a long time ago.”

“I never meant to make you feel like that.”

“I know.” Gray closed his eyes briefly. “That’s one of the reasons I didn’t want you to find out about all this. You were perfectly oblivious to it before, and I didn’t see why that should change. But you just had to keep pushing, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” Natsu said firmly. “Yes, I did.”

Gray raised an eyebrow. “And why might that be?”

“Partly because I was curious,” Natsu admitted. “But mostly… Mostly it was because you started acting weird and it was obvious that something was bothering you. And if it was bothering you, then it must have been important to you.”

Well, that was the answer he hadn’t wanted to give Erza when she’d asked basically the same question. But it was an answer that Gray deserved, and Natsu owed him at least that much.

Gray stared at him, an odd expression spreading across his face, and then looked away again, scuffing his foot against the ground. Natsu didn’t wait for him to come up with a response. He took a deep breath and dived right in, figuring that he might as well say his piece before he lost his nerve. In some ways it was much harder than any apology Erza had ever forced him to make because it was so much more personal, but in some ways it was almost easier because it was also more genuine.

“You’re right, I latched on to Lisanna and stopped being such a good friend to you. I didn’t mean to do it, I didn’t really notice, but I did it and I’m sorry. You could have just given up instead of at least trying to keep up some part of our friendship, but you didn’t. And it’s not really the fights that changed everything, was it? I mean, I started it first when I forgot about you. So it’s not really your fault.

“And I never— _never_ —thought of you as Lisanna’s substitute or replacement after she died,” he added quietly, biting his lip. “She was a good friend, but so were you. You were a good friend before I even met her.” He let out a shuddering breath, his heart clenching at the reminder of Lisanna and her death. “And we’re still good friends now too, right? Even though there’s so much fighting? It’s different now, but it’s not so bad. _I_ thought things were going well, at least. Is it really so bad?”

For a minute they stood in silence, only the quiet sounds of the forest audible around them. Natsu took the time to wonder how he could have been stupid enough to have missed something like this for years.

“Isn’t that what I was asking you?” Gray asked finally. “Like I said, it was a long time ago. I don’t know why you’re so worried about it now. I think we’ve been doing just fine without bringing it up.”

“I know, but…” Natsu shrugged helplessly, unsure of what he was trying to say or why this bothered him so much even though he knew Gray was right.

Gray stayed silent for another couple seconds before replying. “Do you remember that time when we were kids and we were just lying out on the hill, playing that silly game where you look for pictures in the clouds?” He looked up at the stars again. “We were really bored and just killing time, really, but then Cana happened by and we started messing with her.”

Gray’s voice was quiet but also a little uncertain, as if he wasn’t sure Natsu would remember much from that time after the dragon slayer had maintained that it had never happened at all. Natsu was a little confused by the sudden change of topic, but he was willing to play along. Furrowing his brow in concentration, he sifted through his memories, searching for the one in question. The deeper he dug, the more snippets he remembered from that time back when he and Gray had talked instead of fought.

He supposed that part of the reason he had forgotten was because he had never focused much on the past. As the dynamics of his friendship with Gray had started shifting, he would have pushed aside the less relevant pre-shift memories and focused more on the ones that seemed more relevant to the current situation. But now that he was really thinking about it, he could recall all sorts of things.

“Yeah…” he said slowly. “Didn’t we basically gang up on her and tell her that we both saw the same thing? And we made it out like it was really obvious and we couldn’t believe that she didn’t see it. Hm, what was it we said we saw? A unicorn or something?”

Gray smiled. “A dragon. She should have known we were messing with her the second we said the word ‘dragon’, given how obsessed with them you were. Man, we really frustrated her. Remember how she got all annoyed afterwards and pulled out her cards? She read our fortunes and said something about a coming storm and drowning in remorse, or something like that. I don’t remember exactly. Anyway, we thought it was stupid and ignored it, but then a couple weeks later she snuck up behind us when we were on the riverbank and pushed us into the river.”

Natsu laughed quietly. “Oh yeah, I do remember. And then she told us that if we weren’t remorseful about what we’d done yet, she’d try to drown us again.”

“Good times.”

“Yeah.” Natsu shifted awkwardly, unsure of what to do. “I mean, if you want we can–”

“I don’t spend that much time looking at the clouds these days,” Gray interrupted, shooting Natsu a faintly amused look. “It’s just a memory from a time long past. It’s fun to look back on those times, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that we have to try going back to them again.”

Natsu hesitated, still unsure of what exactly he was trying to say. Gray had brought up the memory for a reason, and it wasn’t just to laugh at their silly antics. But he’d mentioned that it was sometimes nice to look back on the past, so maybe Natsu could go along with that.

“Hey, remember when you tried to teach me how to ice skate?” he asked, latching on to the memory and grinning.

Gray’s eyes lit up and he laughed. “What a disaster. You kept falling over, and then you panicked and accidentally melted a hole in the ice. Trying to fish you out of the water was a pain in the neck.”

“To be fair, I eventually started getting the hang of it.”

“Uh, sure. If by that you mean that you didn’t go swimming every few minutes. You were still terrible.”

“Whatever. You were supposed to give me more lessons the next winter, but…” Natsu trailed off and winced as he realized why he’d never gotten those extra lessons. Lisanna had joined the guild sometime between those two winters. Natsu would never regret the time he’d spent with her, but he wished that he had done a better job of balancing his time between all his friends.

Gray glanced away and shrugged. “You would have still sucked anyway.” He smiled slightly. “Do you remember that time when we pranked the entire guild? I made an ice clone of you in the hall and we freaked everyone out because you were just sprawled across the floor unmoving. They thought you must be sick because you were so cold and unresponsive. And their faces when you walked in a few minutes later with me… Priceless.”

Natsu started laughing. “I can’t believe I forgot that! They were so mad at us. I think I almost gave Jii-chan a heart attack when he saw that there were two of me. We were little terrors back then.”

“We still are. Just bigger ones now.”

“True.” Natsu snorted. Then he frowned and studied Gray’s face, squinting to make out as many details as possible in the moonlight. “I remember, but why are you bringing this all up now? I know you have a reason.”

Gray frowned thoughtfully at the ground instead of replying. When he spoke again, he didn’t answer Natsu’s question.

“Do you remember that one year when you and I got into a huge fight during the festival and singlehandedly ruined the Fantasia parade?”

“Yes?” Yes, Natsu remembered that, but that had been a couple years after Lisanna had joined the guild. Natsu wasn’t sure why Gray was suddenly talking about memories from a different time. “Everyone was furious and our punishment went on for weeks.”

“But it was fun, wasn’t it?” Gray asked, one corner of his mouth twitching upwards.

Natsu grinned. “The punishment wasn’t, but yeah, that fight was a lot of fun. And wrecking all those floats was surprisingly satisfying.”

“Yeah.” Gray let out a laugh that sounded something like a sigh. “Remember that time you decided that you wanted to have the ‘longest, hardest competition ever to decide who’s the best once and for all’?”

Natsu snickered, recognizing the wording. “Sure, that was the time we went on like a billion jobs and had tons of fights and mini-competitions all in a row.”

“And by the end, we were so exhausted that we could barely move for days,” Gray added. “Somehow you ended up sprawled across my couch. You were too tired to get to your house and I was too tired to kick you out, so you just stayed there for a couple days. And then one day I got up and you’d eaten everything in my apartment…”

“I could have gotten to my place if I really wanted to. I wasn’t _that_ worn out.”

Gray smiled faintly. “I wasn’t so tired that I couldn’t have kicked you out if I really wanted to.”

Natsu had known that. He rather thought that they both had, even if neither had admitted it.

“And after all that, we still didn’t have a clear winner,” Natsu grumbled, shaking his head. “But what’s your point, Gray? I know you have one.”

The humor faded from Gray’s eyes and he met Natsu’s gaze solemnly. “Do you remember on Galuna Island, when you decided that you’d rather take on a demon than let me seal it with iced shell?”

Natsu let out his breath in a hiss, eyes widening as he took a half-step back. He didn’t want to be reminded of what Gray had been stupid enough to almost do. And he was worried about why Gray was bringing it up now.

“What’s your point?” he demanded, the hardness of his voice not quite disguising his alarm.

Gray sighed heavily, his gaze drifting away again. “My point is that even though things have changed, they haven’t necessarily changed for the worse. We can look back and laugh at all the good times we had as kids, but we can also come up with all sorts of fun we had after we started fighting again too, can’t we? Things changed, but our relationship is just as meaningful as it was before, isn’t it? It’s just different. Not bad different, just different.”

Natsu stared at him wordlessly and then let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He relaxed a little, some of the tension draining out of him. It was good to hear that Gray was still happy with where their friendship stood these days. Natsu had always felt pretty confident about that before, but Gray’s confessions tonight had cast doubt over that assumption.

“Yeah, I still have fun. And I still feel like you’re my closest friend, despite everything.”

Gray glanced over at him uncertainly, before smiling a little. “Me too.”

Natsu breathed a sigh of relief, glad to get that out of the way. “I’m sorry I kind of forgot about some of that stuff.”

“It’s okay. I know how your mind works.” One corner of Gray’s mouth twitched upwards. “Or doesn’t work, as the case may be.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Natsu mumbled, not rising to the bait. “Why were you so determined not to tell me all this?”

“Like I said, it was a long time ago and it doesn’t seem as relevant anymore.”

Natsu studied him suspiciously. Nothing about Gray’s words or body language screamed ‘lie’, but he had never had a problem reeling off half-truths with ease.

“And why else? There must be another reason too, or you wouldn’t have gotten so defensive.”

Gray sighed again. For a long moment, he didn’t speak.

“There are a lot of reasons,” he said finally. “For one, it _was_ a long time ago and I don’t see why it should be such a big deal now. But also, it makes me feel like I was just petty and resentful back then, and I don’t want to talk about Lisanna like that either. I guess it just feels like it’s kind of unfair to her.

“And to you.” Gray rubbed at his face wearily. “I understand why things happened the way they did, and it seems pointless to bring it up so long after the fact when I know that you never meant anything by it. I didn’t see the point in trying to make you feel bad about it. And even more than that, I didn’t want to make you question our friendship, because this kind of throws it in a bad light.”

“I’m not questioning–”

“Natsu, tell me that you haven’t wondered if I’m unsatisfied with our friendship at least one time since I opened my mouth back in camp. Or if maybe it would have been better if things hadn’t changed. Or if our relationship now is somehow inferior to the one we had before.”

Natsu opened his mouth, but nothing came out. The truth was that those thoughts _had_ crossed his mind, at least fleetingly. And maybe, deep down somewhere, he was still wondering a little bit.

He had never really thought twice about whether he and Gray could have a ‘better’ friendship. He’d always been satisfied with the way things were, because their friendship was close without being touchy-feely, and something a little different from the relationships he had with his other friends. Maybe that was what he liked about it most of all: that it was a little different. It was kind of special, because most of it was hidden under the surface—a secret world that only he and Gray really understood, even if they rarely talked about it.

Like the way they could team up to fight together seamlessly, able to predict each other’s moves with almost zero verbal communication—as long as they didn’t get distracted and start fighting each other instead. Or the way they could throw insults at each other all day long, but knew exactly when to stop so that none of the invisible lines would be crossed. Or even like the way Natsu could identify over half a dozen different smiles Gray had and interpret them accordingly, from the teasing smirk to the unamused tightening of the lips to that damned half-smile that could mean almost anything.

They weren’t always such a well-oiled machine, Natsu and Gray, but in some ways they were a lot closer than anyone suspected. Since they didn’t usually talk much beyond teasing and insults, they had learned how to read each other’s expressions and body language instead. Natsu could be kind of oblivious sometimes and he and Gray didn’t always pay such careful attention to each other, but when they _were_ paying attention, it was amazing how well they could read each other.

So yeah, Natsu had thought that their friendship was pretty amazing, whenever he bothered to think of it at all, and he’d never had a reason to doubt it before. And he still liked it an awful lot and didn’t want to change it, but Gray… Well, it was pretty obvious that Gray had been upset over the shift, at least initially. Natsu thought he was pretty satisfied now, but he’d also thought Gray was satisfied right from the very beginning. Natsu was happy with how things had turned out, but now there was a niggling doubt in the back of his mind asking if maybe Gray would have been happier if things hadn’t changed.

“I–I haven’t–”

“You aren’t a very good liar either,” Gray said, looking away. “This is exactly what I didn’t want, Natsu. Back in the beginning, I was pretty upset. It felt like I was losing my best friend, and I had a hard time coping with that. But I never did lose you, did I? We adapted, you know. Things change over time—that’s just the way it is. We changed, our friendship changed, but that’s not a bad thing. I’m happy with the way things are. It suits us, I think. I’m satisfied, Natsu. Are you?”

Natsu stared at him for a moment and then smiled a little. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

Gray smiled back. “Great. Case closed, talk over. Ready to go back to camp?”

“Definitely.” He paused. “By the way, Happy thinks you’re mad at him.”

“What? Why?”

“Because he was always a lot closer to Lisanna too, and spent a lot more time with you after she died. So now he’s worried that maybe you felt like he was abandoning you too.”

Gray sighed heavily. “I’ll talk to him.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m not mad at you either,” he added quietly.

“I know. Anyway, let’s head back.”

Gray nodded and turned sharply, but then paused as he winced and muttered curses under his breath. His pale hands moved in quick, practiced motions, shining almost white in the moonlight, and a flash of blueish magic swirled against the darkness of the night. It faded away quickly, leaving only an unremarkable chunk of ice in its wake. Grumbling to himself, Gray pressed the ice to his chest.

“Are you okay?” Natsu asked. “Did you get hurt in the fight? Or–? Oh… You got burned, didn’t you?”

He really should have expected that. Gray’s ice hadn’t worked terribly well against the salamanders, and he’d had to get rather creative about how he fought them. A few of those creative plans had involved getting closer to the beasts than he would have liked. Considering that Natsu’s magic had made the salamanders more powerful and that their body heat had already been high enough to melt or fry anything in their immediate vicinity, it wasn’t surprising that Gray might have garnered a burn or two.

“They’re not so bad,” Gray said dismissively. “I probably won’t even feel them when I wake up tomorrow. I just moved awkwardly and pulled at one of them. It’s fine.”

Maybe, but Natsu knew for a fact that Gray hated burns more than just about any other kind of injury. He wondered if the reason Gray had put his shirt back on immediately after the battle and not taken it off since was because he didn’t want everyone to see whatever burns he’d gotten. Idiot.

Gray took a deep breath, waited for whatever pain he’d stirred up to die down, and then let the makeshift ice pack disintegrate. “All good,” he said. “Let’s go.”

Natsu didn’t move. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

Gray turned to frown over at him. “For what?”

“For being stupid and handling the salamanders badly so that you got hurt.” His gaze dropped to the ground.

“Okay, enough is enough. No random apologies for stupid crap. I don’t expect to hear any apologies from you unless Erza is holding you at sword-point.” Natsu looked up, startled, and Gray met his gaze firmly. “Do you really need me to spell it out for you? I thought I’d already made this abundantly clear, but I guess you can be kind of stupid.

“I don’t regret the way things have turned out. I don’t want to try turning our friendship into something else. I like it the way it is now. So things are going to continue on like normal, because we are both satisfied with the way things are and aren’t going to try changing them into something they aren’t. And part of our current relationship is that we do not randomly apologize to each other unless Erza is threatening us with bodily injury. Alright?”

Natsu laughed. “Alright. Yeah, you’re alright, I guess, even if you’re an annoying jerk.”

“ _I’m_ annoying?” Gray snorted and turned, heading back towards camp. “You’re the one who mutated a bunch of lizards into fire-breathing, wingless dragons.”

Natsu followed after his friend, surreptitiously taking the lead since his senses were better suited for finding the way back through the darkness. “Are we really still talking about that? They definitely weren’t dragons, or anything close. Besides, you _are_ annoying. You dragged the team all the way to the top of Mt. Hakobe just to annoy me, before admitting that the job only needed us to go halfway up.”

“That was pretty great,” Gray said, snickering as he ducked the shadowy tree limb that Natsu tried to snap in his face. “Although, to be fair, you did drag me out on the longest job ever in the middle of a heat wave and made sure that we were nowhere near civilization and air conditioning.”

Natsu could smell their friends and the smoke from the campfire up ahead, and knew they were getting close.

“You woke me up by shoving ice down my back. That has to be the most annoying thing ever.”

“Hardly. At least that doesn’t leave any lasting damage. You broke into my apartment, trashed the whole place, and ate everything edible. It took me days to clean up the mess.”

The glow of the fire appeared between the trees, and Natsu stepped out into the clearing where the others were waiting, Gray on his heels. “Well, who keeps their place that freakishly neat anyway? It’s begging to be messed up. And anyway, you’re still more annoying.”

“Ha, you wish. You just–”

“Boys,” Erza interrupted. “Stop fighting.”

Her words were firm, but she looked intensely relieved to see them both back and acting like themselves again. Lucy’s eyes darted between the two new arrivals and she twisted her hands together anxiously. There was something a little sadder, a little more understanding in her eyes now, and Natsu wondered if Erza and Happy had filled her in on Lisanna while he and Gray had been gone. Happy still looked a little worried too, but he relaxed a bit after he searched Natsu’s face and read that things had been resolved.

“Fine, fine,” Gray said, pasting a long-suffering look on his face. “Well, I’m tired anyway. We can finish this tomorrow, flame brain.”

Natsu smirked. “You’re on, ice block.”

Erza rolled her eyes, but was still too relieved to be really annoyed. She ordered them all to bed, and they settled down around the embers of the dying fire. Natsu hadn’t been expecting to sleep in the woods and hadn’t brought all the things he normally would have brought for a camping trip, but he made a makeshift nest of different odds and ends. Happy settled down in his customary spot next to the dragon slayer and curled up, although he didn’t get to rest for long.

“Hey, Happy,” Gray said quietly, from where he’d set up his own sleeping arrangements a short distance away. “Come here.”

Happy sat up and blinked over at Gray, before turning questioning eyes on Natsu.

“Go ahead,” Natsu encouraged.

The Exceed hesitated before shrugging and creeping over to Gray uncertainly. Natsu yawned and closed his eyes, shifting about until he found a fairly comfortable position. He could hear the girls’ breathing even out as they drifted off to sleep, and soft, indistinct murmuring coming from the direction of Gray and Happy. Natsu might have been able to eavesdrop if he really tried, but he left it alone. He trusted Gray to say the right things to put the worried feline at ease.

Natsu was unsurprised when Happy didn’t return, instead opting to curl up with Gray for the night. Satisfied that everything had been set right once more, Natsu allowed himself to drift off to sleep, reflecting groggily that maybe some things hadn’t changed quite as much as they’d thought.

  
  



	2. What Stayed the Same

Wizards seemed to attract miracles like lightning rods, and Fairy Tail tended to get more than its fair share. The guild had seen all sorts of remarkable coincidences, impossible victories, and spectacular wonders. Still, Gray thought that Lisanna's sudden reappearance was in a class of its own.

After all the Edolas Exceeds said their goodbyes and flew off, undoubtedly to wreak havoc across the entire continent, Gajeel's new feline companion dragged out a 'suspicious-looking person' he'd found and tied up. Everyone, aside from the newer members who wouldn't know any better, was frozen in shock.

"It can't be…" Gray breathed, eyes wide.

"Lisanna?" Erza asked in disbelief from beside him.

Lucy and Wendy immediately began worrying about how Edolas's Lisanna had gotten pulled back to Earthland and how they could get her back where she belonged, but no one who had known Lisanna could drag their attention away from the girl in question long enough to offer an opinion. Lisanna pounced on Natsu and sent the two of them crashing to the ground. She then hugged Happy and greeted Gray and Erza like old friends and cooed over the newest guild members. And Gray knew—he _knew_ —that this was their Lisanna, not some Edolas version that had gotten sent over by mistake.

Sure enough, she told them a fantastical story of anima and alternate worlds, of escaping death but leaving her own world behind in the process. When she'd finished her tale, there was stunned silence until the shock finally started wearing off. Gray stared at Lisanna for a moment more, and then his lips quirked into a smile. Miracles like this didn't happen every day, and this was certainly one to celebrate.

There had been a time when he was a little jealous of her, but he could honestly say that he was glad she was back. None of those old feelings resurfaced. The shock and excitement drowned out everything else, and Gray was glad of it.

"Welcome home," he said, giving her a genuine smile. "We missed you."

"Mira and Elfman will be so happy to see you!" Happy exclaimed, bouncing about in excitement.

Lisanna's eyes lit up. "I can't wait to see Mira-nee and Elf-nii-chan again! Where are they?"

Gray tried to remember if the other two Strauss siblings had been in the guild when everything had gotten sucked into Edolas and turned into a giant lacrima. That period of time was still a little hazy, but he was pretty sure that Mira and Elfman hadn't been in the guild hall.

"The cemetery," Erza said, wincing. "They went to the cemetery."

Gray let out his breath in a sigh. That was right. Mira and Elfman had gone to the cemetery, because this was right around the time of Lisanna's death anniversary. Except that Lisanna was now alive and back, a perfect coincidence of timing if ever there was one.

Lisanna looked torn between eagerness and regret. "I need to go to them."

"Of course," Erza agreed. "We'll come with you."

She kept an overexcited Natsu and Happy from latching on to their newly resurrected friend, and Lisanna took off running. The others followed her as she broke free of the forest and darted down the slick streets, completely ignoring the falling rain that soaked through her clothing and dampened her hair. They went with her all the way to the cathedral, but stopped at the edge of the graveyard as she called out to her siblings.

Mira and Elfman spun around in shock, the umbrella they shared dropping to the ground, forgotten. Gray and the others watched the tearful reunion quietly, each wearing a smile. It was heartwarming, to say the least, and it lifted Gray's spirits.

But then the family hug broke up and the siblings turned to face the others, and Gray forgot how to breathe for a few heart-stopping seconds. They were all happy, all exultant and blissful, but Elfman in particular looked like a lighter version of himself, as if an enormous weight had been lifted off his shoulders. The dark edge that had lingered in his eyes for the past couple years was gone, as if he had not a care in the world now that his other sister had been returned to him.

For a second, Gray looked at Elfman and saw himself.

Well, not himself, exactly, but the version of himself that would have existed if he too had the consequences of his mistakes erased. Elfman hadn't killed Lisanna, not even accidentally. Sure, he'd still screwed up and lost control and that would probably always haunt him to some extent, but he hadn't killed her.

He hadn't killed her.

Gray let his breath out in a soft hiss. He had never been particularly close to Elfman, but he'd be lying if he said that he hadn't identified a little with the other mage back when Lisanna had 'died'. And _damn_ , was he glad that Elfman had gotten his second chance. It just stirred up some old feelings, was all.

Wizards might attract miracles like lightning rods, but that didn't mean everyone got the one they needed.

Anyway, Gray knew that thinking like this was stupid. The situations were obviously not the same. Gray had done something— _not killed_ —to cause Ur's death, but Elfman hadn't actually killed Lisanna. Gray had used his tragedy to inspire him to get stronger, but Elfman's tragedy had led him to restrict his magic for fear of losing control again. Lyon had turned from an annoying but naïvely cheerful boy into a bitter and angry man, but Mira had softened out her rough edges and found solace in becoming nicer and more caring rather than angry at the world. Lyon and Gray had had a terrible break, but Mira and Elfman had grown even closer to help each other through their grief. Ur had died, but Lisanna had apparently been alive this whole time.

Still, for just a second, Gray couldn't help but see himself and Lyon and Ur overlaid on the Strauss siblings. He was happy for Lisanna and the others, it made him glad to see that things had worked out for them, but it hurt too, the pain like a knife twisting in his heart. Because this was how it _could_ have been for Gray and his second family, if only he hadn't gone and messed things up.

This was so stupid. This wasn't about him—it was about Lisanna and her siblings. He had no right to be worrying over all this when he should be celebrating Lisanna's return. So he shoved all those dark musings to the back of his mind, not wanting to think about them now. Or ever, really.

"Hey, Gray?" Lucy asked cautiously. "Are you okay? You've gone completely white."

Gray started in surprise, automatically smoothing out his expression and pasting on a smile. He didn't know how much of his inner turmoil had shown itself on his face, but he hoped it wasn't that obvious.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied lightly.

She still looked a little suspicious. Needing some genuine good cheer, he glanced back over at Lisanna and her siblings and let their obvious joy seep into him. He was glad that Lisanna was back, glad that Mira and Elfman were happy, glad that they'd gotten their miracle. The rest of it didn't matter right now, so he pushed it to the side and let his excitement over Lisanna's return overshadow it.

"But you know what this means, right?" he added, grinning at Lucy crookedly.

She tilted her head curiously. "What?"

"Fairy Tail is going to have an enormous party."

Lucy stared at him for a moment and then laughed.

"Damn right we are!" Natsu burst in, bouncing on his heels in anticipation.

"Sounds fun," Lisanna said as she headed for the exuberant dragon slayer, flanked by Mira and Elfman. She paused to peer at Gray. "You really _are_ rather pale. Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm always pale," Gray said.

"The ice block is totally fine," Natsu added impatiently. "Let's go party!"

Lisanna rolled her eyes at the dragon slayer's antics, but then glanced back at Gray. "Well, if you're sure…"

"I'm sure," Gray said firmly. He hesitated for a split second, before adding, "It's really nice to have you back. It hasn't been the same without you."

He smiled at her and was relieved that it was wholly genuine. There wasn't any of that hurt that had snuck up on him so suddenly, and certainly not any bitter feelings about what had happened in the past. He was just genuinely pleased that she was here, and whatever slight edge of resentment or jealousy had been present when he was a child was gone now. Maybe he had grown up a bit since then.

"I'm glad to be back with all of you," Lisanna said, smiling back. "I missed you guys too. And it really wasn't the same without your stripping."

As she walked on, the smile slid off Gray's face and he glanced down, unsurprised to see that his shirt was missing again. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. No, it wouldn't be the same without his stripping. He couldn't imagine a world where Ur hadn't given him that dumb habit.

He shook his head. Now wasn't the time to grieve for the people he had lost. His gaze locked on Natsu and Happy as they jostled Mira and Elfman to get closer to Lisanna and fill her in with their bubbly chatter. Or worry about the people he might still lose.

Then he smiled ruefully. Maybe he hadn't grown up quite as much as he'd thought—that was his inner child talking. He wasn't anywhere near as insecure as he'd been as a kid, and he had faith in his friends.

Gray had no intention of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, and as the next few days wore on, he kept himself busy and found it surprisingly easy to stay in a good mood. The guild was still all shaken up, and it was easy to lose himself in the celebrations.

All the same, he'd occasionally catch himself watching Natsu and Lisanna with a small frown, or absently musing about something that had to do with Ur or Lyon when he looked at the Strauss siblings. The first non-issue was easy enough to ignore. Lisanna had only been back for a few days, and it was perfectly natural that Natsu and Happy would be spending a lot of time with her. Gray wasn't really worried about that.

The second issue was more bothersome, because it had put an idea in his head that wouldn't let him go. Watching the Strauss siblings over these past few days had given Gray the sudden desire to go see Lyon.

It would probably be a really stupid thing to do. Lyon had acted like everything was normal during the fight with Oración Seis a couple months ago, as if everything with Ur and Galuna hadn't happened, but Gray was wary of that. Just because Lyon had shown up again didn't necessarily mean that he wanted to rekindle their friendship. Gray wasn't entirely sure _what_ Lyon wanted. He didn't know, but he knew that what _he_ wanted was to go to Lamia Scale and fix things. Watching Mira and Elfman together now reminded him too much of how he and Lyon had parted ways. It made him want to try making things right.

The issue was, of course, that he didn't know how Lyon would react to that. Things between them were still unsettled, and just the thought of actually seeking Lyon out made an anxious, nauseous feeling settle in Gray's stomach. He was too much of a coward to actually act on his impulse, but it also wouldn't go away and leave him in peace.

But things were mostly good, and everything was finally starting to settle back into something resembling normalcy. Lisanna had quickly become a fixture of the guild again. A few people—Mira, Elfman, Natsu, and Happy, in particular—still spent most of their time hanging around her, but Gray suspected that in a couple more days the fixation would start to fade a bit.

It was several days after Lisanna's miraculous arrival that Gray found himself seated at one of the tables in the guild hall, watching Lisanna and her siblings absently. He wasn't really paying attention to them, but it wasn't like he had anything better to do. Everyone else seemed to have found something to occupy their time, but he didn't have much to do this morning.

Lucy and Levy were working on some project that involved a lot of whispering, books scavenged from the library, furious scribbling, and an intense disapproval of outside interference. Erza was busy investigating the theft of a strawberry cake. When asked, Gray had promptly blamed the heist on Natsu, even though he had the feeling that the slyly amused look in Mira's eyes might mean she hadn't been able to resist playing a trick on her one-time rival. In any case, Gray was staying well out of that investigation. Lisanna was content talking with her siblings and Happy, and Natsu had been over there too, until Erza had dragged him away for an interrogation.

Gray supposed that he could find something to do with someone else, but he didn't fancy having a drinking competition with Cana or getting fawned over by Juvia. So he was just bored, really. The team hadn't done a job since Edolas and he was itching to go out and do something, but he didn't want to bring it up when everyone was busy. He also wanted to go see Lyon, but he hadn't worked up the nerve for that yet.

"Hey, ice block."

Gray twisted around to see Natsu approaching with a slight limp. It looked like he hadn't gotten away from Erza unscathed. But he was still alive, at least, and Erza seemed to have accepted his innocence since she had moved on to harass a bemused Gajeel instead.

"What's up, flame brain?"

"Erza's on a mission. Someone stole her cake, and she's spent the last ten minutes trying to get me to confess to it. You should probably stay out of her way." Natsu paused and frowned at him. "Wait, you didn't blame it on me, did you?"

"Why would I do that?" Gray asked, straight-faced.

Natsu's eyes narrowed. "Is that, like, a trick question or something?"

"Nah." Gray rolled his eyes and tried to hide the half-smile tugging at his lips. He hadn't even realized that his gaze had drifted back to the Strauss siblings until Natsu commented on it.

"It's nice to see them all together again," the dragon slayer remarked.

"Yeah. You don't see a miracle like that every day. It's nice to see them so happy."

"Oh yeah. Man, Mira's face when she first saw Lisanna was priceless."

"It was," Gray agreed absently. "Although Elfman's reaction was even better, I think. Watching all that guilt and grief just disappear was pretty magical. I mean, can you imagine what it was like for him to realize that he hadn't actually killed her?" He smiled wistfully. "I bet it's a pretty great feeling."

Natsu blinked at him curiously and then shrugged. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Gray shook himself out of his reverie and focused on his friend. He wondered why the dragon slayer was talking to him. Natsu and Happy had been distracted lately, and aside from a couple brief exchanges and one short fight, they hadn't said much to him or sought him out.

"What are you doing, anyway?"

Natsu grinned, his eyes lighting up. "Now that Erza's finally through with me, Happy and I are going to take Lisanna out fishing. It's been a while."

"Sounds fun," Gray replied. "Have a good time."

"Yep," Natsu said cheerfully. "See ya later."

He bounced off to bother Happy and Lisanna, giving Erza a wide berth. Gray shook his head and smiled. Mira and Elfman weren't the only ones who'd had priceless expressions upon seeing Lisanna again. It was nice to see Natsu and Happy so happy again too.

He just wondered how things might change. Things _should_ change, because Natsu should certainly continue to spend time with her even after the novelty of her return wore off. Gray wasn't upset that there would be a change, but he did sometimes wonder how big that change might be.

He was tired of worrying about stupid things. Rising from the bench, he crossed the hall and looked over the job board, giving the requests a cursory glance before choosing one that didn't look like it would take too long. Maybe he couldn't go out with the team or visit Lamia Scale, but he could at least take a job of his own. Get out of the guild for a couple days and clear his head.

"It wasn't Natsu," Erza said from behind him, sounding thoroughly disgruntled.

Gray turned and gave her an apologetic smile. "Huh. Well, I guess there's a first time for everything."

"I don't know who else it could be," she grumbled.

Gray briefly considered pointing her Mira's way, but shrugged off the impulse. He wasn't going to send an irate Erza over to mess with that happy family gathering. Besides, he suspected that Erza might enjoy the hunt more than she let on, and who was he to spoil her fun?

"Well, good luck," he said instead. "I'm going out on a job."

"Oh. Don't take too long."

"It shouldn't take more than a couple days. Anyway, I'll see you later."

"Good luck," she said. "Enjoy being able to actually keep the reward money for once."

Gray laughed. "Will do."

Waving goodbye, he slipped the request in his pocket and slipped out the door. He would do this job, take the time to screw his head on straight, and come back ready for anything.

* * *

"Hey, Natsu, do you think he's upset with us?" Happy asked suddenly.

"Huh?" Natsu turned away from Lisanna to peer at Happy. He wasn't sure what Happy was talking about, so he followed the Exceed's gaze and saw Gray exiting the guild hall. "The ice princess? Why would he–?"

Natsu broke off as he finally understood what Happy meant. "Oh. Shit. Do you really think he'd be that upset already?"

Happy shrugged and fluttered his wings unhappily. "I don't know, but…I haven't even said more than a couple words to him the past few days. Have you? And now he's running off on his own again."

Natsu thought over the days since Lisanna's return. In all honesty…yeah, he'd basically ignored Gray. He'd ignored most everyone to some extent, aside from Lisanna and Happy, so it wasn't like it was personal. But then again, 'everyone' hadn't admitted to feeling abandoned by Natsu before.

"Crap, you're right. Other than a few passing comments, I haven't said much." His eyes widened as another thought struck him. "We had a fight a couple days ago! Shit, who started it?" He racked his brain, trying to remember who had initiated the brawl, and relaxed marginally when he found his answer. "Okay, I started it because he said something annoying. So it can't be all bad. If he was unhappy, then he would have started it, right?"

Happy shrugged. "Maybe that's how he expressed himself when he was younger, but he's changed a lot since then. I don't know if he would handle things the same way nowadays."

That was true too. Natsu highly doubted that every fight Gray started was a warning that things weren't going well, and it was hard to say whether or not he would resort to fights this time around if he started feeling left out again.

"Ugh. I don't know. Why does he have to be so complicated?" Natsu sighed. "But he's seemed pretty happy lately, right?"

"Yes," Erza said, making Natsu jump in surprise as she materialized beside him.

"Don't sneak up on me like that!" He paled, remembering the earlier interrogation, and edged away a few paces as he eyed her warily. He didn't need any more bruises.

"If you're talking about something that concerns me, then you shouldn't be surprised when I join in."

"We're not talking about you," Natsu grumbled.

"No, but you're talking about Gray. And since Gray is my friend, things about him naturally concern me too. Besides, I'd rather see you two work things out and not start drifting apart again. It's hard enough to keep you in line when you're actually getting along."

To be honest, Natsu needed all the help he could get. He was pretty terrible at this type of emotional thing.

"Well, he _has_ looked a little out of sorts sometimes," Lucy said from Natsu's other side, causing him to start in surprise again and whip around.

"Not you too," he groaned. "I thought you were on some super-secret nerd mission with Levy."

She leveled him with a flat stare. "Yes, but you're talking about Gray and–"

"I get it." Natsu rolled his eyes. "Everyone wants to get involved."

"Look, I remember how he was acting back when you kept pushing him to tell you about why your friendship changed," Lucy said. "I'd rather not see him get upset over it again."

"Okay, fine," Natsu said tiredly. "What do you mean about him being out of sorts?"

Lucy chewed at her lip as she considered her response. "It's nothing really obvious, but sometimes he gets distracted and looks like he's thinking really hard about something."

"Oh, he's actually thinking for once?" Natsu asked before he could stop himself. "Well then, there really must be a problem after all."

Lucy shot him an unamused look. "If I thought they were happy thoughts, I wouldn't have brought it up."

Natsu winced. "Yeah, sorry."

"But he _has_ been genuinely happy most of the time," Erza pointed out. "Or at least, he's been excited about Lisanna coming back. But… Yeah, sometimes he looks a little melancholy when he thinks that no one's watching."

"If it was anything major, then he would have told us, right?" Happy ventured.

Erza grimaced. "Maybe, but maybe not. This is Gray we're talking about. It's always hard to tell with him."

Sadly, that was true. Natsu knew all the little things to look for if he suspected that something was bothering Gray. If he'd been paying attention to his friend, then he might have noticed them. But Natsu hadn't been paying attention, so he wouldn't know.

Still, he thought back over his few interactions with Gray since Lisanna's return, searching his memory to see if he could come up with anything to suggest that his friend was unhappy. He'd seemed fine during the fight and Natsu couldn't think of anything obviously off during any of their brief exchanges. Still… Gray had seemed a little distracted when they'd talked earlier this morning, and he'd gotten that weird look on his face back in the cemetery. It didn't seem like much, but it wasn't like he would leave any more obvious clues if he could help it.

"No," Natsu said slowly, "he wouldn't say anything if something was upsetting him, not when we're still celebrating Lisanna coming back. But you might be right. There might be something bothering him."

He thought back to their earlier conversation again. Gray hadn't seemed irritated or bitter when Natsu had said that he was going out with Lisanna. Gray hadn't actually been acting odd at all, except for when he'd been talking about Elfman. Maybe the issue wasn't that Gray was feeling abandoned again, but Natsu didn't know what else it could be.

"There might be something we don't know about that he's been brooding over," he added. "But still… Do you really think he'd be that bothered by me and Lisanna?"

"Why would I bother him?" Lisanna asked.

Natsu blinked at her in surprise. He'd pretty much forgotten that she was there as soon as they'd started talking about Gray. Oops. Gray would kill him if he told Lisanna about how she factored into their friendship issues.

Natsu tore his gaze away from Lisanna to give Happy a pleading look. The Exceed shook his head in exasperation and shot him a look that made it clear that he was on his own here. Stupid cat.

"Oh, uh, nothing," Natsu stammered. "No reason."

Lisanna's eyes narrowed in suspicion, and Natsu could practically see her running back over the entire conversation in her head as she tried to figure out what he wasn't telling her. He'd never actually said what might be wrong, but there were enough little hints that she might be able to piece it together. He sincerely hoped that she wouldn't.

"Smooth," Happy muttered, rolling his eyes. "Real smooth."

Natsu glowered at him. "It's not like you were any help."

"Give him some credit," Erza interrupted, clearly unimpressed by their tangent. "Lisanna has only been back for a few days. I'm sure he understands why you're spending so much time with her and ignoring him."

Natsu gaped at her, his eyes bugging out of his head. His mouth worked soundlessly for a few seconds before he found his voice again.

"Seriously?" he demanded, throwing his hands in the air. "Why don't we just spell it out for her? It's not like we could possibly make it any more obvious what's going on here. You know he's going to kill me if he finds out about this. If he wanted her to know, he would have told her."

Because Lisanna was a lot of things, but she wasn't stupid. She might have come up with some guesses based on the conversation up to this point, but now Erza had pretty much handed her the whole story on a silver platter. Gray would be furious if he ever found out.

Sure enough, Natsu could practically see Lisanna making the connections. She was still puzzling out some of the details, but her eyes were alight with sudden comprehension.

"Oh." Erza frowned and then shrugged it off. "Well, the point still stands. He'll understand why you're ignoring him for now and won't get upset over it, but…just don't wait too long to patch things up again."

Natsu saw the sense in the advice. The longer he waited to set things back on track, the harder it would be. Gray might not be hurt over it yet, but he certainly would be if Natsu put it off for long enough.

"Yeah, now would be a good time to start fixing things," he agreed. "Especially if something's bothering him."

"Are you going to talk to him?" Lucy asked.

Natsu grinned despite himself. "Nah, we don't talk so much anymore. But that doesn't mean that there isn't anything I can do."

"Good for you," Erza said brightly, clapping him on the back hard enough to leave what Natsu suspected would soon become an impressive bruise. "It's nice to see you actually be almost mature for once. Remind him not to take too long on his job—I want us to go out on a team job soon. It's been a while."

Natsu scurried away a few paces. He honestly had no idea of what he would do when he tracked Gray down, but then again, he rarely made plans anyway. It couldn't possibly be that hard.

Then he remembered the complication to this whole scheme and glanced back at Lisanna. He'd promised to take her out fishing and didn't want to leave her hanging. He really needed to get better at managing his time and attention among his friends.

"You know," Lisanna said, "I'm not feeling terribly well. Maybe it would be better if we didn't go fishing today. I'm sure Mira-nee would be happy to take care of me instead."

Natsu gave her a grateful smile. "Why don't we postpone the trip, then? We can go fishing in a few days instead, if you want."

"That would be great," she replied, giving him a knowing look.

"Thanks."

She smiled. "Go get him."

Natsu nodded to her once more and then turned to Happy. "What do you say we go on a job?"

"Aye sir!"

* * *

Normally Gray would just take the train, but this job was only in the next town over, so he didn't bother. Besides, it was a beautiful day and he could use the fresh air to help clear his head. Trains were basically made for restless brooding, at least when he was alone and didn't have anyone to distract him. Walking was different, more soothing, and Gray would much rather be outside than trapped in a metal box.

He let his mind wander as he walked. It was rather peaceful, actually, even though Magnolia itself was not a terribly peaceful place, and Gray found it easier to focus on the present and ignore all the silly thoughts that had been bothering him lately.

Of course, things rarely stayed peaceful for long where Fairy Tail was concerned. Gray had managed to make it almost to the very edge of the city before his peace was shattered.

"Hey! Ice block! Wait up!"

Gray turned with a frown and spotted Natsu and Happy racing towards him. He had no idea why they were here or why they were in such a hurry. His frown deepened when he didn't see Lisanna with them.

"What are you doing here?"

"We're going to come on your job with you," Happy said as he and Natsu finally caught up to Gray and paused to catch their breath.

"I thought you were fishing with Lisanna."

Natsu and Happy exchanged looks, which immediately aroused Gray's suspicions. Something was definitely up.

"Lisanna wasn't feeling well, so we're going to come with you instead," Natsu answered, grinning widely.

"We're postponing the fishing trip for now," Happy added.

"She seemed perfectly fine when I left," Gray said. "Which was like ten minutes ago."

Natsu winced before pasting on another grin. "It happened real fast. One minute she's perfectly fine, and the next she's practically on death's doorstep."

Gray's eyebrows shot upwards. "If she's that sick, then why aren't you back at the guild looking after her?"

There was something fishy about this story, even setting aside Natsu's obvious exaggeration. Gray had been in the guild not even ten minutes ago and Lisanna had been fine. And on the off chance she _wasn't_ fine, Natsu would certainly be glued to her side. It wasn't adding up.

"Uh…" Natsu was clearly stumped, his mouth working soundlessly as he tried to come up with a plausible excuse. "Well, Mira and Elfman are with her. Mira is really good at taking care of sick people."

Gray wasn't sure what exactly his expression was, but it was definitely disconcerting Natsu and Happy, who began to shift uncomfortably as he let the silence drag on.

"Hm," he said finally. He racked his brain for an explanation of his friends' odd behavior. "If Lisanna isn't too ill to go fishing, then why are you _really_ here?"

An almost panicked look flitted over Natsu's face. "Oh no, Lisanna is totally ill. Much too ill to go fishing. Definitely no fishing today. Mira's taking care of her right now. And…yeah, I'm tired of being stuck in the guild all the time, so I don't want to stay there if I can't go fishing. So we're gonna come with you because I'm ready to fight some stuff. Yeah. Did I mention that Lisanna is way too sick to go fishing?"

"Shut up!" Happy hissed, whacking Natsu on the arm with his paw.

Natsu gave him an injured look. "You haven't been much help with anything lately."

"Yeah, well, now I'm telling you to keep your mouth shut already."

It finally hit Gray.

"This doesn't have anything to do with what I told you that time after we killed the salamanders, does it?"

Natsu and Happy froze, their argument instantly forgotten, and hurried to reassure him.

"Of course not," Natsu said quickly. "Ha, like I'd remember something you said from way back then. I've got a terrible memory, and I never pay attention to what you say anyway."

"Salamanders? What salamanders?" Happy added helpfully.

Gray's eyes narrowed. Maybe he should be happy that they were trying to make sure he still felt included, and he _was_ kind of touched. But it was also rubbing him the wrong way because of what it implied.

"I'm glad she's back," he said defensively.

Natsu's expression remained bewildered, but after a moment Happy's face cleared.

"Of course you are," the Exceed said, almost apologetically.

"Exactly how selfish do you really think I am?" Gray demanded. "She's only been back for a few days. Of course you'd spend a lot of time with her. I'm not upset. Do you really think I'd get mad over something so stupid?"

"No, no, we aren't saying that," Happy protested, wringing his paws together as he tried to figure out how to best defuse the situation.

Even Natsu was starting to realize that things weren't going well. "No, it's not like that," he said. "We just don't want you to feel like we're ignoring you."

"I don't–" Gray started hotly.

"It doesn't matter whether you're upset over it yet or not," Happy said quietly. "We've been ignoring a lot of people lately, and we think it's time to change that and start spending more time with everyone again, you included."

Gray sighed and ran a hand through his hair, some of his irritation draining away. They were just trying to be nice, after all.

"Look, I appreciate that. But seriously, you don't need to worry. Go fishing with Lisanna like you said you would. I'm not going to get my feelings hurt over something silly like that."

"Yeah…" Natsu sighed. "But look, you're not… How did you put it last time? Petty and jealous? Petty and resentful?" He shrugged, and Gray chose not to point out that he had just invalidated his assertion that he didn't remember their prior conversation. "I think it's pretty normal to be a little hurt when a friend starts ignoring you for someone else. It doesn't make you selfish or whatever."

Gray relaxed a little. To be honest, Natsu had somehow managed to hit the nail on the head, despite how oblivious he could be. Gray had never liked it when he got jealous of things involving Lisanna or anyone else. It made him feel like he was a bad friend, like he was just being shallow and petty over something stupid. If nothing else, it was nice to hear that Natsu seemed to almost understand it.

And then the dragon slayer had to go and ruin it.

"Besides, Lisanna's totally okay with it. I mean, she told us we could do the fishing later if we wanted to do this first."

Gray felt the blood drain from his face. "What do you mean, Lisanna's okay with it?"

"Huh?" Natsu frowned a little, and then his eyes widened. "Oh, nothing. I just–"

"Tell me that you didn't tell her about this."

"I didn't tell her about this?" The uncertain lilt in Natsu's voice made his statement sound too much like a question.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Gray burst out. "Why would you tell her that?"

Natsu winced. "Okay, I didn't actually tell her. She just kind of started figuring things out. Besides, it was Erza who really gave it away."

"Erza?" Gray asked, his voice rising. "What does Erza have to do with anything?"

Natsu shot Happy a pleading look, but the Exceed didn't seem to know how to dig themselves out of this hole either.

"Uh, nothing," Natsu managed, stumbling over his words in his haste. "Did I say Erza? I really meant–"

"Please tell me that you weren't discussing my mental state with the whole damn guild," Gray ground out.

"We weren't discussing your mental state with the whole damn guild." Natsu managed to keep his words from sounding entirely like a question this time, but there was still a lilt at the end that shouldn't be there.

"Why would you do that?" Gray demanded. His hands clenched into shaking fists at his sides, the nails digging into his palms.

He was upset that Natsu had gone behind his back with this, but mostly… Mostly he just didn't want to think about his friends trying to dissect his mind and figure out what was wrong with him. He didn't want them to see what was going on in his head. He already felt petty and ungrateful for wondering about what would happen with Natsu and the team now that Lisanna was back. He felt selfish and mean-spirited for how he'd hijacked Lisanna's miraculous return to think about all the ways he'd never get that same kind of miracle. He felt like a coward for being too scared to try making things up to Lyon.

He certainly did not want that whole ugly mess laid bare to his friends, because he didn't want them to see him like that. And sure, they didn't know half of what was going on in his head, but it bothered him that they were speculating because he was scared that they'd eventually hit on something too close to the truth.

"What happened to your plan of not talking?" Happy asked Natsu angrily, before peering at Gray in concern.

"This is why I don't make plans," Natsu groaned. "I can never stick to them."

"I think you should probably stop talking. You only seem to make things worse every time you open your mouth."

"You think I don't realize that? This is why I try not to talk about serious stuff. I always screw it up."

Gray took a couple deep breaths to get himself back under control again, tamping down the anger and hurt and sadness. It wasn't fair to take out his stress on his friends. He wished they hadn't been talking about this stuff with the guild and was unhappy that they'd told Lisanna anything, but it wasn't really them he was upset with.

"I suppose I owe her an apology, then," he mused, some of the tension draining away to leave him feeling heavy and exhausted. His fingers unclenched to hang limply by his sides again.

Natsu and Happy exchanged uncertain looks.

"Nah," Natsu said. "I think she understands. If I'd treated her the same way I treated you, she probably would have felt the same. And anyway, she wanted us to come make sure you were doing alright."

"Oh yeah, Lisanna is way better at emotional stuff than Natsu," Happy agreed, nodding sagely. "Sometimes I think he should keep her around as an emotional interpreter so that he isn't always screwing things up."

"Hey!"

Despite himself, Gray cracked a smile. "He does need all the help he can get."

Natsu watched him cautiously for a moment, before apparently deciding that it must be okay to try lightening the mood now. "Besides, Erza isn't holding you at sword-point, so no apologies."

"That's only for us, you idiot. There are different rules for other people."

"So…I'm the only one you won't apologize to unless you're threatened with injury or death?"

"Something like that."

"That's not very fair," Natsu grumbled, although he was fighting a smile.

"Neither is life," Gray said unsympathetically.

"Are you two going to bicker all day, or can we go do this job already?" Happy asked.

The smile slid off Gray's face. "No," he said. "You two should go back. Go take Lisanna out like you said you would."

To be honest, he could use their company to keep his spirits up, but he also didn't want to be some obligation they had to fulfill.

"But–" Happy tried.

"If Ur magically appeared alive tomorrow, I would ignore you for days too," Gray said. "I understand why you want to be with Lisanna now."

"Ur…?" Natsu asked. His brows knit into a puzzled frown and he looked like he was trying to figure something out. "Then when you were talking about Elfman earlier…?"

Gray threw him a sharp look. No way had Natsu figured it out—he was too dumb for that. He certainly wouldn't be able to figure out all the details, but it looked like he might be able to guess bits and pieces.

Gray didn't really want that.

"It's just an example," he said, shaking his head. "Look, all I'm saying is that Lisanna coming back is a miracle and you should take advantage of it. Go spend time with her."

"She'll still be here when we come back," Happy pointed out.

"And I'll be coming back here just as soon as I finish my job."

"Yeah," Natsu muttered, "but Lisanna doesn't need us right now."

Gray blinked at him, taken aback. "I don't need–"

"I won't ask about whatever's bothering you," Natsu interrupted, "but we know it's there, alright? We won't press you to tell us if you don't want to, but at least let us come with you. You shouldn't have to be alone when you're upset."

Gray swallowed. Natsu was pretty bad with words and emotional stuff, but every once in a while he managed to say the right thing. Gray _did_ want the company. And if Natsu and Happy weren't going to harass him, then things should be okay.

"I might be taking a trip to Lamia Scale sometime in the near future," Gray said abruptly, glancing off to the side.

Maybe Natsu and Happy deserved some kind of almost-explanation after they'd come all the way out here for him. Gray wouldn't spell it out, but he'd give them this much.

"Huh?" Natsu asked. "Lamia Scale? What's in–?"

"Lyon," Happy hissed, jabbing him in the arm to make him shut up.

"Oh." Natsu paused for a second. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"I have no clue," Gray admitted. "It could turn out really badly. But…I'll always wonder 'what if' if I don't. And I feel like I owe it to him, and to myself, to at least try. I don't know if he'll really want to see me or if he wants to try fixing things, but the least I can do is try, right? I mean, at least I have the chance now. I already lost him once, and I don't want to lose him again." His eyes flashed with determination. "I'll fight for it."

The last statement rang a bell in his memory, and he laughed a little. "Well, not literally. Hopefully, I'll be able to find a better way to patch things up than just starting random fights."

Gray was still worried about how a confrontation with Lyon might go, but he thought that maybe he could at least work up the courage to try. After all, Natsu and Happy had come after him now to try fixing things, and, although Gray was still questioning his motives, Lyon had come after him when they'd fought Oración Seis. They had all come after Gray, and maybe he should return the favor.

"The fights weren't so bad," Natsu protested.

"Maybe not for you, but not everyone is quite that violent."

Natsu opened his mouth to reply, but Happy forestalled him. "I think it's a good idea. I'm sure he'd appreciate it."

Gray wasn't so sure about that, but there was no point assuming the worst before anything had even happened.

"You're pretty annoying," Natsu said, eyeing Gray critically, "and a pain in the neck to deal with. But I guess I've managed to put up with you so far, and so has the rest of the guild, so maybe Lyon will be able to tolerate you too."

Wow. What glowing praise.

"Gee, thanks," Gray said dryly.

"What Natsu means is that we like you a lot and you've always been a great friend, so Lyon would be an idiot not to want to work things out with you," Happy translated.

"That's not what I said!" Natsu protested.

"No, but it's what you meant."

Natsu continued to grumble under his breath, but didn't deny it. Gray smiled fondly. They _were_ pretty great friends. He'd missed all this banter.

"You're almost tolerable too," he said, eyeing them with amusement. Then he turned and started walking away. "Well, if you're coming, then you'd better be able to keep up."

"Of course I can keep up!" Natsu exclaimed instantly, his reply like clockwork. They'd made it all of five steps before he voiced his concern. "Uh, you do know that the train station is in the other direction?"

Gray glanced over at him and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? Well, you caught me. Despite the fact that I've lived in this city for years and use the train dozens of times every month for jobs, I randomly forgot where it was today. Thanks for reminding me."

"Was that really necessary?"

"If you don't want stupid answers, then don't ask stupid questions," Happy said unsympathetically. Gray grinned at him conspiratorially, and Happy smiled back.

"Well," Gray said, smirking at Natsu, "I was just going to walk since the job is in the next town over, but now that you're here we can definitely take a train."

"No, no, walking is fine!" Natsu said, suddenly realizing his mistake.

"Oh, I don't know," Gray said with mock concern. "We wouldn't want you to get tired or anything. What do you think, Happy? Should we walk or take the train?"

"Train!"

"I totally didn't mean it about the train station," Natsu babbled. "Walking is fine. Walking is great, even!"

Gray chuckled. "Well, if you're sure…"

"Oh, I'm sure. I'm very sure."

Sometimes it was fun to mess with Natsu. Okay, fine, it was _always_ fun to mess with Natsu.

"Hey," Natsu said after a minute, "you do know that you owe me some ice skating lessons."

Since when had Natsu ever cared about ice skating? Then it occurred to Gray that he had brought up those interrupted lessons back when they'd talked about the change in their friendship. Maybe this was just his way of trying to make it clear that their friendship wasn't going to get all weird this time around.

"For one, I don't owe you anything," Gray said anyway. "And two, it's not even cold yet. It'll be months before the lake freezes over enough for that."

"I'll wait," Natsu huffed.

"I hope you're better than you were last time. If you melt through the ice or fall through, I'm not going to fish you out again."

"That's okay. Happy will be there this time. He can pull me out."

Gray glanced over at Happy and arched a questioning eyebrow. The Exceed winked back and smirked.

"Nah, I don't think I will."

"Traitor!"

Gray laughed. "I missed you guys."

Happy's grin melted away, and even Natsu sobered. The two of them exchanged looks that Gray couldn't quite read, and he felt bad. He hadn't meant to say that.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I didn't mean it like that."

They stared at him for a moment, but then Natsu smirked.

"No apologies for random crap unless Erza is holding you at sword-point," he said cheerfully. Gray smiled ruefully as his own words were turned against him. "And speaking of Erza, she wants us to make sure that we don't take too long. She wants to go out on a team job when we get back."

Gray could practically feel his eyes light up. He was definitely ready for another team job. It looked like he'd been worrying over nothing.

"It's been a while," Happy added. "It'll be good to be back with the team."

Natsu grinned. "It'll be tons of fun."

"Yeah." Gray smiled a little and looked away. "Yeah, it will be. Even if we end up having to give up our reward money because you destroy something."

"Hey! You destroy things too!"

Gray threw himself into the familiar banter wholeheartedly. He didn't need to brood over the past or worry about the future, not right now.

Maybe not everyone got the miracle they needed, but maybe that was alright. If Gray didn't get his miracle, then he'd just work with all the pieces he had left. He could fight to make his own miracles if he needed to, but for now… For now he didn't think that he needed a miracle at all, not when he'd had everything he needed right here all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Human emotions are such messy, illogical things. Am I the only one who saw everything with the Strauss siblings and made a connection to Gray, Ur, and Lyon? Yes? Oh well. You can be subjected to my musings anyway. Also, I liked the idea of bringing in a subplot with Lyon, just because it sort of goes along with the overarching theme of mending relationships.


End file.
